


Closer

by itsquietcompany



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: BENLO, Ben and Kylo are twins, M/M, Mentions of Murder, Mentions of alcoholism, Non-Consensual Mindreading, Sibling Incest, fantasizing about rape/non-con, is it child abuse if the child is in his 20s?, psychological damage from being isolated, unhealthy parent/child relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:35:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21586975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsquietcompany/pseuds/itsquietcompany
Summary: After the massacre at the Jedi School, Kylo flees to Snoke and Leia locks Ben away.Both go a little insane without the other.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Ben Solo
Comments: 10
Kudos: 203





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> after my last incest fic i told myself i'd never write incest ever again, but i already half knew that i was lying to myself
> 
> unbeta'd bc i didn't know who to bother with this

When Ben awoke it was to the soft chatter of his mother and his uncle – which was weird. He didn’t open his eyes yet and just listened.

“Can you do it for him, too?” Leia asked. Her voice sounded depressed.

“No. Maybe, but it would be highly invasive and most definitely damage his brain on the long run,” Luke answered in the same hushed, serious tone.

“And this net will be secure?”

“It should last long.”

“I wished you wouldn’t go.”

Ben had hardly ever heard his mother plead. It wasn’t her strategy, she was always commanding or negotiating, always using leverage, never just…asking for something.

“I’m of no use here anymore.”

“That’s not true –“

“You know it is. I’m no politician, and I clearly failed as a teacher. I can’t bring Kylo back, and I can’t fight Snoke.”

_What?_

Where was his brother? Why wasn’t he here? Ben cracked an eye half open and looked around: He wasn’t in his hut on Ahch-To. He was in a spacious bedroom with high windows, plush carpets and stucco on the ceilings. The walls were paneled with white wood. His mother and his uncle stood with their backs to him at the double wing door, one of three exits out of the room.

How did he get here? And why wasn’t his brother with him?

Leia and Luke left. Carefully Ben raised his head and a dull pain had him wince and touch his temple with one hand – which was bandaged, he realized. With increasing confusion and worry he lifted the comforter and saw that he was wearing unfamiliar pajamas. The motion had caused his left shoulder to hurt, and when he touched it with his fingers, he found it wrapped in bacta. There was some on his right leg too.

_What had happened?_

Ben frantically dug through his memories: The last thing he knew was going to bed. On Ahch-To, in the small hut he shared with Kylo, his brother. Then – nothing. He didn’t remember getting hurt. And if he’d gotten bruised this badly, how was Kylo doing?

With some difficulties Ben got up. His feet were bare and there were no shoes waiting for him next to the bed, but the carpet was plush and warm. The wooden floors weren’t, though, when he limped further, and neither were the marble tiles in the hallway. It must be a villa, this place. Maybe the house of another senator. He made it down the stairs into a spacious foyer, and followed Leia and Luke’s voices to the living room, whose door stood slightly ajar.

He didn’t recognize this room either, it was tastefully furnished with what were probably antiquities and looked unlived in. His mother and his uncle hadn’t sat down. Leia wore something practical for once, what she’d normally wear at home, not for Senate meetings, and Luke was in his usual robes, but they looked _dirty._ Luke never got dirty.

They stopped talking when he entered, looking kind of shocked and concerned.

“Ben!” his mother exclaimed. “You’re not supposed to be up yet. How are you feeling?”

“Where is Kylo?”

Luke and Leia both looked at him, silent and with an unreadable expression.

“What do you remember?” Luke finally asked.

“What should I remember?” Ben countered.

“How you got here.”

“Where is _here?”_ Ben was getting increasingly frustrated. “I don’t remember anything, there you have it.”

Luke sighed.

“That’s for the best probably.”

“Well I disagree,” Ben shot back. “Where is Kylo?”

He saw his mother clench her jaw and look away, and if he wasn’t mistaken, there were tears in her eyes.

“We don’t know,” Luke admitted.

“How can you not know?”

“Snoke took him,” Leia whispered.

He knew. Somehow he’d known right away when he’d woken up alone. It had to happen eventually. One day he had been bound to wake up with his brother gone, or himself gone.

“How? I was sleeping right next to him! Why didn’t Snoke take me too?”

Leia started crying softly.

“I was checking on the two of you last night," Luke said. "Kylo woke up and attacked me, brought the ceiling down on us. He must’ve thought we were dead.”

“Why would he attack you?” Ben murmured.

“I don’t know. Maybe he thought I was someone else, and got scared.”

“It was Snoke,” Leia chimed in. “He must’ve possessed Kylo somehow…”

“He’s not that powerful,” Ben objected. “And I should know that, he’s been in my head, too.”

“But you’ve taken it better, you always seemed less affected –“

“That’s not true!” _I was certainly good at hiding it,_ he added silently.

“Ben, do you really think your brother would willingly attack me?” Luke interrupted.

Ben just stared at him, furious. He himself wouldn’t, and Kylo wouldn’t either.

“And what happened then? How could he just disappear, the others must’ve heard something!”

Luke gave him that serious look again.

“He killed them. Some of them are still missing, he might have taken them with him.”

The blood rushed in Ben’s ears and a coldness had crept into him that had nothing to do with standing barefoot on the floor.

“No. Why would he take them and not me?”

“I told you, he probably thought you were dead –“

“Then why didn’t he check?” he almost yelled.

“Ben, I don’t know,” Luke said softly, but Ben could sense his annoyance. “I firmly believe he was in no conscious control of his actions at that point.”

It was plausible, Ben knew that. It must’ve happened like Luke said, Snoke must’ve managed to take over Kylo’s body. Whatever. It didn’t matter how it had happened, only that Kylo was in danger right now.

“What are we going to do now? How do we get Kylo back?”

Luke and Leia exchanged another look.

“This is out of my hands now. I don’t think Kylo would talk to me ever again, and Snoke is too powerful for me,” Luke said.

“You’re giving up?” Ben stared at him, incredulously.

Luke shook his head.

“There’s nothing I can do.”

“We have to find him!”

“What if he doesn’t want to be found?” Leia said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Ben…a lot of people died last night. Kylo will have to face a trial, and our chances of proving that he didn’t kill them are slim.”

Ben snorted.

“Why do you _both_ want to give up on him so badly?” he hissed.

“I haven’t given up!” Leia’s voice had gotten louder. “But I need to think about a plan first!”

“Then I’m going to find him on my own!”

“You’re not going anywhere. Snoke might use Kylo to kidnap you too.”

“You’re putting me under arrest?” Ben didn’t mean it, he knew he was being petulant, but he was exaggerating on purpose. Out of anger.

“I’m keeping you safe here,” Leia said, steel in her voice and her eyes. “You’re presumed dead, and I have no intention of denying that any time soon.”

Ben recoiled, more out of surprise than out of being genuinely appalled.

“You _are_ putting me under arrest!” While he knew his mother could drive a hard bargain if she wanted, this had still come as a shock.

“I don’t want you to go out there head over heels and put yourself in danger –”

“I have to do _something!”_ Ben screamed.

“– and if you don’t see that, then yes, you’re under arrest!”

Ben breathed hard. They were in a staring contest, him and his mother, and he was determined to win.

“You can’t keep me here. I can easily take this whole house down,” he pressed out between gritted teeth.

“There is a force suppressing net spanned over it,” Luke said.

With a dramatic twirl Ben turned to him.

“Luke! I had completely forgotten you’re here! What do you have to say about my mother’s plan to imprison me?”

Luke looked away.

“It’s your mother’s choice first and foremost –“

“Ah yes, I forgot you’ve exempted yourself from any sort of responsibility. What are you going to do now? Retiring somewhere nice? You could stay here with me.” Ben spread his arms, encompassing the luxurious living room. “We could play dejarik and cook together.”

“Ben! It’s only temporary.”

Ben was rapidly going out of options.

“Does dad know yet?”

Now it was Leia’s turn to look away.

“I haven’t reached him yet.”

Of course. Only the Force knew where Han Solo was bumbling about.

Ben pursed his lips, admitting his defeat. For now.

Leia didn’t look victorious either, though.

“Great,” Ben said, willing his voice to stay steady. “Do let me know when you’ve come up with a plan to save your other son, or in case you, I don’t know, want my help.”

And with that he stalked out of the room.

He should’ve made a run for the main door right this moment, screw his wounds and bare feet and pajamas. He should’ve tried to escape before they were able to turn this place into a fortress; maybe they had lied and they hadn’t spanned the net yet, he should’ve tried it.

He should _never_ have believed his mother.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do mind the new tags and lmk if i should add/change any!
> 
> this is where the story gets fucked up.

Ben turned off the news and rolled over in his bed. He contemplated whether he should get something to eat, jerk off or sleep – he was sort of hungry, and he remembered that he was to meet his mother for dinner tonight. He was certainly not looking forward to it.

She didn’t visit regularly. She called more often, but Ben rarely picked up. They weren’t for his sake, these calls, they were to calm her own nerves and convince her that she was doing what she could to keep up a relationship with her son who she had locked up in a country estate. She was probably glad that he didn’t answer so she didn’t have to waste time on a conversation.

The temporary solution had become a rather permanent one. Five years after the massacre at the Jedi School, Ben was still presumed dead. He’d followed the news religiously in the first weeks of his exile, but the coverage had decreased – there was no one to prosecute, so after the bodies had been buried and all condolences had been expressed, the galaxy had turned to more pressing matters.

Neither Kylo nor Snoke had grazed his holoscreen so far, and it drove Ben insane. With Kylo as an immensely valuable asset by his side, hadn’t Snoke and the First Order made great strides? What was he waiting for? Ben had to assume if Snoke was no longer a threat, Leia would let him out of here. Since that hadn’t happened so far, Snoke had to be out there still.

And Kylo too. Ben’s thoughts had constantly circled around his brother. His mother wouldn’t tell him anything, and he refused to talk about anything else, so their dinners were usually…terse.

With his father, who visited often after a smuggling run and had a few boxes of stolen stuff stored around here, it wasn’t any better.

Luke he hadn’t spoken to at all.

Ben wondered if the lack of social interaction had made him feral. He couldn’t tell by himself. The droids that were tending to the house didn’t seem to mind him as long as he didn’t trash the furniture. They rarely talked to him, and he considered it beneath him to strike a conversation with them just out of loneliness.

He shouldn’t miss Snoke’s insidious voice in his head but somehow his brain had linked the absence of it to the absence of his brother, so following this fucked up reasoning, he missed Snoke, too.

And he missed the Force. _Stars,_ did he miss the Force. He couldn’t access it in his exile and it made him feel like a bug trapped in a jar where nothing but light came through.

And even if he’d hated it there, he kind of missed the Jedi School, too. At least the rigid schedule had kept him busy. Ben had continued with his workout and meditation routine, mostly to pass the time. There was nothing to do here. The small library had held no books on the Force or how to dismantle a Force suppressing net, so he’d trashed it. After he’d laid waste to his bedroom, he’d moved into the next one, which was identical and made him feel like the destruction of the first one had been undone. That didn’t sit well with him, so he stopped behaving like a berserk.

Perhaps it started because he lost all sense of time at some point. Days started to blur into one another, and his thoughts started to blur too. He kept his body alive like on autopilot, while parts and bits of the conversation with his mother and his uncle replayed in his head, intertwined with memories of his brother, while he tried to make sense of what had happened. It didn’t seem implausible that at one point he’d find himself thinking of Kylo while jacking off.

It didn’t scare Ben, or disgust him. It was like all sense of decency and societal norms had left him too.

And they’d always been close, closer than siblings. That was bound to happen when your parents left you on your own devices with only droids to keep you company. Being linked in the Force and being basically conjoined at the hips had made them see the other more like an extension of themselves rather than an independent person. Naturally they’d shared a bed in childhood, even in adolescence and in their hut on Ahch-To, when they could get away with it. Their physical built had always been the same, since they were raised the same, ate the same, trained the same and wore the same padawan uniforms.

Even their fighting styles had been similar, which had made it difficult to train together: They could perfectly anticipate the other’s moves, so their fights dragged on until they were too exhausted to continue, and ended in a draw. It really had been more like dancing than fighting. Their attacking and blocking had never clashed, they were more like fluid motions, never hurting the other, as if practiced.

When he replayed these memories now, he gave them a different ending in his mind: Crawling into Kylo’s bed didn’t lead to simply falling asleep with his head on Kylo’s shoulder. Now he would shove his hands under Kylo’s sleep shirt, stroke his lithe but firm torso, thumb his nipples and explore the planes of his back before sliding lower and gripping his ass to bring their groins together. During training he would slip up on accident, resulting in Kylo tackling him to the ground, leaning over him, until Ben pulled him down to kiss him.

Jerking off it was, Ben decided. If he was lucky it would relax him a bit until he had to meet his mother.

*

After coming all over himself to vague images of Kylo’s lips around his cock, Ben had fallen asleep and had to be woken up by a droid, who informed him that dinner was ready and his mother would await him in the dining room. He cleaned himself up quickly, not too thoroughly so it wouldn’t appear as if he was making an effort, and sauntered downstairs.

“Evening, mother,” he said in passing, threw himself on a chair opposite of Leia and began to load his plate.

“Hello, Ben,” Leia said softly.

From then on Ben gave her the silent treatment as usual and dug into his meal. Normally, his mother would now attempt to make conversation, or at least tell him about her work – nothing concerning the First Order or Kylo, however. Ben had to be protected from such bad news, or else he would be disturbed. Today she was silent, though.

When he’d gotten fed up with his mother talking about trivial matters, Ben would bring the topic of conversation back to that fateful night at the Jedi School and rant until he felt better. Even without Leia having said another word he started to unspool his program:

“You know, I’ve been thinking about our conversation again,” he began, fingering his water glass. “It doesn’t add up. _Nobody_ just attacks the person who just woke you up. Kylo had no motive to kill Luke. Luke was lying.”

Leia said nothing.

“But why even bother to uncover the truth. It’s not like you care,” Ben said airily. He leaned forward. “Are you aware of the fact that I’m the only one who can bring him back? Luke was right, Kylo won’t let himself be persuaded by him. Or by you, for that matter. Or dad.”

That had to sting. Leia closed her eyes for a moment. At this point, she had to be aware that all she was getting from him were insults and accusations. Was this some sort of self-mortification on her part?

“But me?” He paused. “And you’re leaving me here to rot,” Ben concluded.

Leia clenched her teeth.

“Ben,” she choked out, and when she raised her head to look at him, her eyes were full of tears. Suddenly, Ben was taken aback. This level of emotional vulnerability was new.

“Your father is dead,” she said, and a tear rolled down her cheek.

Ben knew he should feel something now. Shock, or sadness.

“Oh. So that’s why he hasn’t been to visit me for a while,” he said offhandedly. Leia’s face froze.

“Kylo killed him.”

At this Ben perked up.

“How?”

The thought passed over him, fleetingly like a shadow: _What would it be like if he killed his mother?_

Then he would be stuck here forever. Stars knew where Luke was and what he would do. Did anyone else even know that Ben was still alive?

“Han snuck on Starkiller Base to deactivate it –“ Leia began.

“Deactivate what?”

“Starkiller. The First Order built a planet destroyer and the Resistance blew it up.”

“And dad was on it?”

“He tried –“ Leia’s voice broke, “tried to bring Kylo home but Kylo –“

“Did Kylo die on Starkiller, too?” Ben interrupted, and suddenly an emotion came to the surface: worry. Worry for his father’s murderer.

“No, he’s still alive.”

_Thank the Force._

“I could have told you this,” he said nonchalantly. “As I said, you’ve lost his trust as much as mine –“

“Is this all you have to say?” For the first time Leia sounded truly wounded.

“What do you want me to say, mother? Do you want me to cry?” He let out a small huff. “If you wanted anything from me besides indifference, you should’ve earned it.”

Usually, Ben left after dessert was served, letting his mother find her own way out, but this time Leia got up abruptly, the legs of her chair scraping loudly over the floor. She didn’t even look at Ben anymore when she rushed out of the room.

Ben went upstairs to lay on his bed again, his skin tingling and feeling weird, and it was only when he noticed the pulsing of his blood in his groin that he realized what it was: arousal. Now, getting off to the thought of your brother was one thing, getting off to the thought of him murdering your father was truly something else.

_Kylo killed him._ Probably ran him through with his lightsaber. Did he make it quick and painless? Or did he draw it out, savor the act?

Ben took his rapidly hardening cock in hand as he pictured it, Kylo’s muscular arm rising and plunging his lightsaber’s blade through their father’s chest. His face was distorted and he was breathing heavily, his hair was wild and falling in his face. He looked beautiful. He looked evil.

Ben realized he’d never spent much thought on how Kylo was doing now, he’d always been so preoccupied with past versions of him. But his brother was out there, right in this moment, and he was killing. For Snoke. Maybe for himself.

With a groan Ben came, harder and longer than earlier that day.

*

Sleep had eluded him until the early morning hours, so when Ben got up, it was already past noon.

Talking to his mother always left him feeling empty. It was a vicious circle of letting out the anger that always built up in between their meetings, overthinking and getting aggravated again. Not this time though – finally he’d gotten news from Kylo, which had energized him.

He turned it over in his head what Leia had told him last night when he heard a noise from the balcony. A soft, melodic chirping.

A bird.

There was a bird.

Ben hadn’t seen any animals in years, because the ones that had been trapped under the net had died, and nothing could come in. But now there was a little bird. How did it get on his balcony?

There was a vague memory in the back of Ben’s mind, something about Luke saying that the net would have to be recharged after a while. Had that time come now, had the net become porous? Was his mother aware of it? Ben’s heartbeat had sped up in anticipation. He put on his boots and rushed downstairs to open the front door – he’d been allowed on the grounds, but never behind the fence. Now Ben stepped outside and walked toward the elaborate metal gate, where he stopped. He took a deep breath and prepared himself for disappointment when he extended a hand and touched the handles – and the gate swung open with a creak. Ben shuddered.

If the gate wasn’t locked anymore…

Tentatively he stretched out his hands and took a step forward. Then another. And another. He didn’t hit a wall, get electrocuted or thrown backwards. After a dozen of steps he was certain that he’d left the property. Ben turned back and looked at the house, his prison. It seemed indifferent to the discovery he’d just made.

He ran back, not entering the house, but an adjoining building. This was a rich household, and however deserted, the former owners had left behind many if not all their things, it could be the case that they’d also left a –

Ben stopped dead in his tracks, a smile creeping into his face.

The garage held a shuttle.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so ben finds a shuttle, which is really fucking stupid, but i'm no overly concerned with logic here.  
> you all know how this ends, but mind the newly updated tags again anyway.

Without a second thought, without even going back into the house to pack, Ben threw the doors of the garage open and climbed into the shuttle. The interior was dusty; clearly it hadn’t been in use for ages. When he powered it on, everything seemed to be in order though, and when he checked the tank, it was still half full. Ben held his breath, started the engines…

The shuttle came to life. He willed his anxiously shaking hands to still and began steering it carefully out of the garage. He might not have piloted in a while but it seemed he hadn’t forgotten the movements.

Bit by bit the shuttle was revealed to the sunlight, and suddenly it was in the open. Ben didn’t waste any time, hit the gas and the shuttle took to the sky. He didn’t think of preparing himself for a crash into the Force net when he was already miles away from the house and close to leaving the atmosphere.

Ben let out a whoop of joy when he reached the darkness of space, put the shuttle into autopilot, slumped into the pilot’s chair and just breathed for a moment. Then he closed his eyes.

He was anxious to try it after five years of being cut off from the Force but he opened his mind and the Force rushed through him and it felt like breathing properly after years of suffocating. There were no other sentient beings in hyperspace, all he could feel was its vast emptiness and the Force, the Force spreading out everywhere.

He concentrated harder. Luke and Leia were able to feel each other across lightyears, and so were he and Kylo. No matter how far apart they were, they’d always find the other. Ben stretched his mind further and further – and suddenly there he was.

Finding Kylo’s signature in the Force felt like coming home. For a moment Ben just stilled and let Kylo become aware of his presence.

_Ben?_

_Yes, it’s me._

Kylo was stunned into silence. Ben dived deeper into his brother’s mind and analyzed his surroundings: He was in a forest, not deep, sunlight still filtered through the trees, and carried a backpack.

 _Where are you?,_ he asked Kylo.

_Takodana._

_I’m coming to you._

_Are you alive?_

_Yes. I was in hiding._

Kylo seemed to process this. Meanwhile, Ben punched in the coordinates for Takodana.

_I’m close, I’ll be there soon._

_Follow my signature. There’s a small town where I have a room. Meet me there._

Kylo turned around and started running. Ben gripped the steering wheel as if he could will his shuttle to go faster than light speed. They didn’t talk any more, not with words, but stayed connected through the Force. Ben would never sever their bond again.

Takodana came into view, and through the Force Ben saw Kylo reach a moderately busy marketplace. He set into landing when Kylo entered a seedy hotel in some dark alley farther away from the city center. At that he left Kylo’s mind but stayed attuned to his Force signature so he could focus on not crashing the shuttle. In a rush he powered the engines off and all but started to run, following Kylo like a beacon. He wasn’t thinking, he was single-mindedly focused on the tasks at hand and barely noticed the people he passed by.

And then there he was, outside of Kylo’s hotel, his Force signature brimming behind the door with nervous excitement. Ben pushed the door open and crossed the dark reception, not sparing a glance towards the man behind the counter, right towards the elevator.

_Fourth floor._

He pressed the button accordingly. His fingers tapped against his legs. The elevator doors opened and Ben stepped out. Kylo’s presence was overwhelming now.

The door on the end of the corridor opened and he finally _saw_ Kylo, surrounded by a square of light, bordered by the door frame.

His hair was longer, just like Ben had grown out his. He was dressed in long black robes and his hands, balled to fists, stuck in black leather gloves. The thick clothes might obscure it, but Ben assumed Kylo’s shoulders were broader than his own now.

His eyes were full of tears, his full red lips trembling.

Ben had stood frozen, just taking his brother in, but after the shock had faded he was left with –

Fury.

He strode into the room, slammed the door closed, grabbed Kylo by his cowl and slammed him against the wall.

 _“Why did you leave me?”_ he hissed through clenched teeth.

Kylo’s mouth opened, but no sound came out. He was either too surprised to defend himself or just letting Ben do whatever he wanted to him.

“Just like _everyone else._ Mom left us alone. Dad left us alone. You were everything I had and then you left me too?”

“Ben,” Kylo choked out. He was still limply leaning against the wall as if he’d fall down if Ben let him go.

“And why didn’t you look for me?” Ben’s voice wavered, he was so, so close to crying right now. He’d missed him so much, and at the same time he was so _angry_ about the five years in isolation, if he couldn’t have gotten out, why couldn’t Kylo have gotten in and saved him?

Kylo drew in a shuddering breath. “I thought if I gave myself to Snoke he’d leave you alone.”

“Fantastic plan,” Ben countered. “As if you didn’t know I’d follow you to the end of the galaxy.”

“He promised me. I could save you if I joined him.”

Ben took a deep breath and nodded hesitantly. Kylo had always been the difficult one, the disobedient one, the one who almost relished in violence, the one who didn’t care about the consequences – unless it came to Ben, of course. No one else would’ve expected it from him but Ben knew, Kylo could be extremely selfless. Ben’s burning anger faded to a light simmering.

“Where have you been, Ben?” Kylo asked softly.

“Mom locked me up in some country house,” Ben said bluntly.

Kylo frowned. “Locked you up? Why?”

“So I couldn’t go after you and put myself in danger. Threw a Force suppressing net over it. I tried to get out though, multiple times.”

They were still standing close, Ben’s hands placed on Kylo’s chest. None of them moved.

“I can’t imagine mom would be that cruel.”

Ben raised an eyebrow.

“You can’t? Well, maybe she hadn’t planned on it. She used to assure me it was only temporary, until at one point it wasn’t any more.”

“How did you get out?”

“The Force net needs to be recharged after a while. I guess mom forgot about it. She has a lot to do these days…you’ve been causing some trouble, dear brother.”

Kylo looked away. He seemed exhausted.

“Do you know I killed dad?”

“I do.”

“And it doesn’t bother you?”

Ben made a vague gesture with one hand before planting it on Kylo’s chest again.

“You probably had your reasons. Don’t think I haven’t thought about it, too. Or killing mom, for that matter.”

Kylo stared at him, incredulously, and, if Ben wasn’t mistaken, a little frightened.

“Snoke used to say there was too much of the Light in you,” Kylo said pensively. “I wonder if that’s still true.”

“I don’t think in these terms anymore. Let it all go. Come with me!” He urged Kylo.

“I can’t. Snoke would find me.”

“Then I’ll come with you.”

“ _You_ can’t.”

“I’ll deal with Snoke. Surely he’d love another apprentice.”

“Ben, I left you to protect you!” Kylo exclaimed in an exasperated tone that sparked Ben’s anger again.

“I don’t want to be protected anymore! Everyone who ever wanted to protect me ended up making everything worse, so _please,_ don’t make my decisions for me!” He desperately cupped Kylo’s face. “Please let me be with you again.”

“Even Snoke thinks I’m not good enough for you,” Kylo said, his voice raw.

“What?”

Kylo looked away in defeat and Ben, tired of these games, just slightly shifted his fingers on his brother’s face so they touched his temples, and forced himself into his mind.

He found the memory in question immediately. It bore no visual, it was just Snoke’s voice in Kylo’s head:

_You love your brother, but it’s not a pure kind of love. If he ever found out, he’d be disgusted. I know you don’t want to force yourself on him – but what if one day you couldn’t stop it? Right now you have the power to restrain yourself. I wonder how long it will last. You should act on what’s left of your decency and leave him. Come to me, and Ben will be safe._

Ben recoiled and withdrew from Kylo’s mind – and before he was fully gone, he saw for a split second Luke, looming over Kylo, lightsaber in his hand.

He stared at Kylo, who had started to cry for real, and the realization hit him.

“That’s why you don’t want me near you,” he said in a toneless voice.

“Snoke might force me to do something to you,” Kylo whispered, wide-eyed.

Ben’s fury was rekindled, but he was furious at Snoke now, for using Kylo’s love to control him, for making him feel ashamed and evil and wrong. For using it to keep him away from Ben.

“Well I’m already one step ahead here,” Ben countered, used his hands still on Kylo’s face to hold him in place and kissed him.

Kylo didn’t reciprocate. Didn’t push him away either, though. Ben knew this was Kylo’s first kiss, as it was his, too, and he was far too concerned with analyzing Kylo’s reaction to it to really feel it.

He let go of Kylo to read his face. His brother just stared at him, and Ben could see the conflict in his face as well as feel it in the Force.

Ben reached out again, tenderly this time:

_It’s alright. I want this, too._

_I still can’t do this._

“You’re already on the Dark side, brother mine,” Ben stated matter-of-factly. “How many people have you killed? Do you think this is _worse?”_

Something shifted in Kylo’s gaze. His eyes seemed to grow darker.

“I would kill the whole galaxy to keep you safe,” he said hoarsely.

Ben grinned.

_There you are._

This time Kylo kissed him back with ferocity, like he wanted to devour him, while pulling him closer by the waist. It was a clumsy and unpracticed affair with decidedly too much saliva and teeth in the way, but they couldn’t be bothered, entirely too busy pawing at each other as if trying to fuse together.

Ben divested Kylo of his tunic and drank his form in: He’d filled out in the past years, _stars,_ he had. Ben had stayed quite lanky without proper exercise, but Kylo must’ve had a rigid work-out schedule to become _that_ broad. Pressing close to him made Ben almost feel dainty.

“Stars, you’re hot,” he murmured against Kylo’s collarbone. “Snoke trained you well.”

He could feel Kylo let out a small huff, like a little laughter, and it made him giddy. He lowered himself and trailed kisses down Kylo’s torso, blindly reaching for Kylo’s pants and underwear to pull them down – he had to smirk, his dick looked just like Ben’s.

And he was half hard too, so when Ben kissed and licked at him, he filled out quickly. When he was hard enough, Ben took him in his mouth. Kylo hissed and threaded his fingers into Ben’s hair.

“Stars, Ben.”

_I’ll give you everything you ever wanted._

_You_ are _everything I ever wanted._

“I should lock you up, too, so I’d have you all to myself,” Kylo groaned. The memory of the safe house came to Ben’s mind again, unbidden, and he knew Kylo could see it too through the Force.

“And keep you tied to the bed.” Kylo projected a visual into Ben’s head: Ben, naked on the bed he’d slept in for the last five years, wrists and ankles cuffed and linked to the bedposts. The mental image really shouldn’t turn him on as much as it did; Ben moaned around Kylo’s cock, desperately palming himself.

“And after I’ve slaughtered and burnt down another village, I’d come back to you and fuck you like that, with my clothes still on, dirty and bloody.”

At that, Ben nearly came in his pants, and Kylo actually came in his mouth with a low grunt, his finger tightening in Ben’s hair, and Ben did his best to swallow the load of cum. Kylo stared down at him as Ben pulled off, full of astonishment and adoration. He carefully drew his thumb over Ben’s wet and swollen lips.

“Sounds enticing, dear brother,” Ben cooed. “But I’m fucking you first.”

With his head lolling against the wall and trying to regain his breath, Kylo extended a hand and summoned a small bottle, which he handed to Ben. Ben didn’t even read what was on the label, he just got up and turned Kylo around. Then he nudged his legs apart, poured some of the liquid on his fingers and began preparing Kylo’s hole.

There was something about someone as big as Kylo completely surrendering: Although he and Ben were the exact same height, Kylo was as broad and solid as a wall. He was fully naked while Ben was still clothed, and Ben was so aroused by the juxtaposition that he was almost dizzy with it.

“That’s enough,” Kylo pressed out soon, and Ben wasted no time getting himself out of his pants. He slid into Kylo’s wet heat and had to pause for a moment and center himself because it was too overwhelming to be finally inside of Kylo – he’d fantasized about it, sure, but he could’ve never anticipated the exact feeling. He snuck a hand around and trailed it over Kylo’s stomach muscles, so much harder and more defined than his own.

“Move,” Kylo hissed, and Ben obeyed. Kylo very nearly keened and arched his back from his pleasure Ben felt projected through the Force.

He knew he wouldn’t last long. A few more snaps of his hips and Ben came, and the world whited out.

*

It might have been too cramped and uncomfortable under any other circumstances, but with the way they were still clinging to each other when they lay down under the blanked on the narrow bed, it was fine. Their foreheads were nearly touching and their legs were tangled together, as were their hands. This was how they used to sleep like as children, talking to each other and telling stories to chase away the loneliness.

The frantic energy of their fight and fuck had dissipated, and Ben was feeling closer to his brother now than some moments ago when he’d been balls deep inside of him. It felt _right_ to have him this close, like two halves fitting together to form one whole, with nothing and no one keeping them separate.

Kylo looked almost sleepy; his eyes were half-closed and his breathing was deep and even. Through the Force Ben could feel calm and contentment, and also mild surprise that Kylo was able to feel like this again, to allow himself to relax and let his guard down. Ben felt a rush of tenderness for his brother, followed by the sudden knowledge that wanted Kylo to feel like this for the rest of his life – and that he’d be the one to guarantee him that. He wasn’t angry at Kylo anymore – he never really had been, at least not at Kylo; the five years they’d spent apart felt like a fever dream already, but Ben knew they’d left their marks on them anyway.

“How does it feel to kill someone?”

Kylo regarded him quietly; not as if he didn’t know the answer, but rather considering how to word it. He finally said:

“After I thought I killed you, killing didn’t make me feel anything.”

Then he looked at Ben as if waiting for his judgement.

_And what did you feel after you thought you killed me?_

Kylo’s jaw clenched.

_Don’t make me feel this again. There is nothing like reaching out in the Force, and reaching out, and reaching out, and reaching NOTHING –_

Ben silenced his thoughts with a hard kiss and didn’t let go until Kylo had calmed down again.

“For the past years I felt like half of me had died that night, too,” Kylo concluded.

“Me too.”

“Do you want to know what really happened?”

Ben shook his head.

“I don’t care. I don’t care if you wanted to kill Luke, or if you killed all the others.”

Kylo squeezed their hands and Ben received a feeling through the Force: _Gratitude._

“I missed you so badly sometimes that I couldn’t physically stand it,” Ben offered. “I started drinking until the wine cellar was empty.”

“I swear if I’d known that you were locked up there, I would’ve torn the galaxy apart to get you out of there. Fuck Snoke. Fuck everyone else.”

The declaration made something swell in Ben’s chest, the protectiveness he’d felt earlier turned into something more akin to possessiveness. There was no way he’d ever let Kylo go again, but the question remained: _What were they going to do now?_

_I won’t bring you to Snoke._

Ben laughed softly. He sat up and swung a leg over Kylo, who had no other option than to lie flat on his back. Ben straddled him, and for a moment he just looked at him full of affection, then he pressed a kiss on Kylo’s lips and leaned down to his ear to murmur:

“The solution is so simple, I can’t believe I didn’t see it right away. Mom and Luke hid me from Snoke for five years.”

“You were closed off from the Force,” Kylo said slowly.

“Exactly.” Ben kissed his neck. “But I’m not talking about hiding under a net. We can cut ourselves off from the Force. Luke did it too.”

Concern and wariness radiated from Kylo through the Force. Ben sat up and clasped Kylo’s face between his hands again.

“We can survive without the Force. I did.”

Kylo looked at him for a long time until he nodded.

“I’ll hide you from the whole galaxy to keep you safe,” Ben swore.

Kylo’s hands came up to wrap around Ben’s waist.

“I’ll lay the galaxy to your feet if that’s what it takes.”

Ben leant down to capture Kylo’s lips in a kiss, sealing their promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on twitter @willarmitagehux and on tumblr/discord @itsquietcompany


End file.
